Losing Her
by BlueMarian
Summary: It started beautifully; she would answer him when he asked. His world froze when he heard her. "Why?" "Because I love him."


It started beautifully; she would answer him when he asked. She would sigh and her eyes would turn glassy as she dreamily reminisce her moments with _him._ It is rather cliché really, if you would ask him. Potter and Weasley would agree with him on that. All three boys would think that _he_ would just break her heart one day. They wanted to warn her about the man she proclaims she is in love with. He wants to tell her that one day _he'll_ leave her and make her bleed.

Though as much as he wants to tell her he can't, he cares too much when it comes to her well being. So aside from fighting himself not to tell her about what he thinks about the man who she is with, he listens. That's what he would always do; sometimes Potter and Weasley would be present to listen as well but most of the time it would be just the both of them alone. Potter and Weasley rely on him every now and then to share what she thinks about the man.

It didn't surprise him when she said that the man, who bumped into her, rather roughly for his opinion, was a muggle. Who in the right mind would fall in love with a muggle that can't even watch where he is going? He would think and scowl at the wall.

_"Oh, he is perfect Draco."_ She would say every time they meet up inside the Ministry during his break.

"You always remind me, Granger." He would say as he looked away from her and ignore that he heard another crack formed deep inside him.

After an hour and a half of spending time with her and listening to her rant about a man he never met in person, a stranger to be precise, he would leave and go back to St. Mungo's to tend his patients.

Eyebrow raised, he looked at both glowering men in front of him. "What's the matter?" he asked as he sat down on his office chair.

"Hermione," the Ginger one would answer and his eyes hard with anger. He then would sigh and run his hand through his already dishevelled blond hair. He already understood.

"What did the git have done now?" He asked towards the one who wore glasses, slightly afraid on what the boy would say as an answer to him.

"He officially asked her out." He said, barely whispering his words, afraid how his words would affect the one seating down right in front of him and Ron.

His sharp breath intake was visibly heard by his two visitors as he looked away from them. "She said yes, then?"

He didn't hear any words anymore from the Boy Who Lived except for a painful apology from the other man inside the room apart from himself.

"We're sorry, Draco. We know how you feel about her." Weasley would say with sympathy.

He would look up to them and try to plaster on a small smile and say, "at least he didn't ask her to marry him." He would then brokenly laugh and summon three empty glasses and a bottle of Firewhiskey.

"We were only taking our nightly walk, _like how we used to just walk around at night Draco and talk about anything_, and then he suddenly stopped and actually asked me to be officially his!" She gushed, holding his arm tightly.

He didn't hear her though. His mind was elsewhere. She said used to, he thought and sadly shook his head. Hoping she didn't notice that he wasn't actually listening to her rant about her lover, the wizard slightly loosed her grip and limply sat there right next to her on a park bench.

Can not she really see how he looks at her? He inwardly scowled and blamed himself. Was not he, Potter and Weasley, enough for a companion? He blindly looked at her and can't help but think what if...what if he would just summon up the courage to tell her what he feels towards her. Potter and Weasley would always say that he should come terms with himself and tell her before it is too late. It is not too late though, right? They are just dating, exclusively he would begrudgingly add, not actually married to each other.

"Draco? Are you even listening to me?"

"Hmm - -wait, what did you say, Granger?" he said, his thoughts slightly disorientated from his previous thoughts.

_"I want you boys to meet him."_ She said with a smile, already forgiving him when he wasn't even listening to her.

He blinked and looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Do you mean, Harry, Weasley and I, together to meet your muggle bloke? That would cause mayhem Granger. Have you not witnessed how vocal Ron can be when our topic is about your muggle lover? He doesn't like the man Granger, your idea is mad."

"You called him Ron." She whispered, her eyes slightly narrowed towards his direction.

He rolled his eyes and glared right back at her. "Can I not call a friend of mine by his or her given birth name, Granger?"

"_But you never call me with my given name and we are closer than you and Ron can ever be!"_ She huffed and placed a space between them.

"Because you'll always be Granger to me," He replied, trying to calm the witch down. After all, they are in a muggle park. "Did you ask Potter and Weasley?" he asked, gladly took charge to change the course of their conversation.

"I had only seen you and Harry. I would pop by Ron and Pansy's flat to ask him."

"How did Potter react?" He asked, trying not to smirk as he played what could have happened through his mind.

"He was a bit hesitant when he learned it would be you three boys meeting Lucas." He watched her as a frown slowly came to her facial features. "I actually thought Harry supports mine and Lucas' relationship, but the way he hesitated it seems like he doesn't really."

If only Malfoy's can snort out loud but still look aristocratic when doing, it he would. "Maybe he is not really sure when it comes to meeting your Lucas with Ron and I as a companion with you. This relationship, for him, is getting too serious too fast." He tried to explain for his friend.

"And why would he think that way?"

"Come to think of it, Granger. You asked us three to meet him. It is getting serious but too fast for our- I mean his liking. You are after all like a sister to him. He is just – no wait, we are just afraid that you will get hurt because of this Lucas bloke of yours."

But before she can even but in and have the last word of their conversation, he quickly added, "I'll go just because you asked me too , because Potter will be there and Weasley would not want to miss this meeting, trust me on that one. I have to go. I just felt my wand warm up, it seems like I am being summoned to St. Mungo's. I'll see you when I do. Just owl me the details of this meeting you are talking about."

He stood up and gently laid a kiss on her cheek before walking towards an empty alleyway just to apparate. He left her blinking and watching him walk away from her. The former dark wizard apparated away but not to his said excuse destination, when he popped up he looked around and found himself inside his abode.

He then grabbed the closest glass vase and threw it on the wall to release his frustration. He was already losing the woman he adores.

He had promised a lot of things to her, and not one he ever broke. Why would this be an exception? He asked himself while looking at his reflection on a mirror. He promised he'll be on his best behaviour tonight. All three of them did: he, Potter and Weasley included on the promise. She warned them and threatened to hex them if they even try to do something that would cause chaos.

Not having much time to go home and change, Draco apparated quickly on an alleyway just a few blocks away from the place, they would be eating their dinner. He stepped inside the muggle restaurant with his work clothes that he deliberately chose to look like a muggle and blend in.

He popped out a button of his dress shirt and rolled his sleeves up to his elbow as he walked towards where a muggle woman welcomes there guests.

"Good evening, sir. Do you have a reservation here?" she asked, with a charming smile on her face. The way she raked her eyes from his toes to the tip of his blond hair didn't go unnoticed by the blond wizard.

He smiled back and answered, "Actually yes, I was being told to ask for the table under the name of Granger?"

Hearing the name with recognition she nodded and led him the way.

Upon arriving there, he wasn't shocked to not see the presence of their other two male companions, still doing Auror duties before going here. Lucky bastards

"Granger," he made himself known, and smiled at his friend still not noticing the other male beside her.

The curly witch looked up and her eyes immediately lit up. She then stood up and gave him a quick hug before settling down. "I am pleased that you can join us, Draco."

"I wouldn't miss this for a second and St. Mungo's can handle themselves with one he-doctor away."

She just smiled as he took the sit right across of her. He then turned to her left and raised an eyebrow. "And you must be Mr. Padmore." He said silkily with his usual smirk.

The man being question shifted his weight on his sit and nodded nonetheless. "I guess that's me."

"Guess? Are you not sure of whom you are, Mr. Padmore?" he humoured, amusement evident on his grey irises.

The witch across of him coughed and glared at the only wizard present, "play nice, Draco." She warned.

He then sighed and looked straight at the only muggle in their table. "Please do forgive me; I must have gotten on the wrong foot." He then raised his arm and offered his hand.

Padmore blinked and looked at his hand before taking it and firmly shaking it, ignoring the fact that the blonde's hold was tighter than he expected. The muggle coughed and looked up to his lover's friend. "Please, call me Lucas."

"Lucas." The blond tested the name like it was the very first time he uttered it. "I can do that." He smiled and looked down on the menu.

Not long after, the two-thirds of the Golden Trio came.

"I am terribly sorry for being late, Hermione. Mellingway tried to hold us in for more paperwork about our latest investigation." Potter explained as he sat down next to Malfoy, leaving Weasley to sit at the middle of Granger and Malfoy.

"No worries, I understand how Mellingway can be a bit overbearing." The witch smiled with understanding and called for a waiter.

After their orders were taken, he watched Granger took a deep breath and started to open her mouth. So the real deal begins, he thought sourly.

Malfoy slumped against his sofa and openly stared at his wall and took a huge gulp of his Firewhiskey. He can't even find a single fault of the boy. Maybe the bloke was a bag of nervousness but he knows it was because the lad was intimidated with the three important men from Granger's life. Padmore was perfect for her. That bloke may deserve her more than he can.

All throughout the dinner, the atmosphere was tense, especially on Potter and his' side of the table. Though with the tense atmosphere all three men tried to suppress their distaste for the muggle bloke and stayed for their female friend.

"Is it wrong that how many times I tried to look for a single fault of this Lucas boy, I can't find any?" he asked out loud, knowing somebody just joined him in his home.

He heard her sigh and sat beside him. Oh how he longed for her to crawl up to him and just be in his arms. "Do you not like him for me, Draco?" she softly asked and looked at his blank grey eyes.

"I want him not to be with you but then who am I to stop you?" he replied without thinking, his eyes not meeting her own and he stood up to be in a distance from her. He can not think straight when she is always so close to him.

"Oh Draco, what do you even mean by that?" she asked. She was about to approach him when his hard stare stopped her and told her to stay in her place.

He scoffed and shook his head. "Of course, you do not understand. Why would I even try to make you understand when I can't even have you in the end? Of course he deserves you more than I do. I'll never be enough, huh Granger? He is good enough for you. He is fucking innocent just like you. Do you think I deserve this Hermione? I wasn't vocal but I thought my actions were enough. Tell me do I even deserve this friendship we have? Tell me Hermione!" He snapped, his eyes blazing with determination.

"I-Draco what are you talking about? What are you trying to say?" she spoke up, now defying his unsaid rules and touched his arm.

He should not but he did. Draco Malfoy after years of promising he'll never reject her attempts to comfort him, to touch him recoiled from her touch. He ignored the hurt in her eyes when he did and stepped away from her.

"I-I'm sorry, Granger. You should leave. I am not really in the right mind right now. I'll just floo you when I'm free alright?" He said before taking one long step towards her. He cupped her face and gave her a kiss on her forehead before he apparated straight to his room, leaving her at his living room, utterly confused about his episode just a few minutes back.

He never did though. Maybe because he was too hurt at the fact that, her relationship with the muggle is stronger and more serious than he ever thought or maybe it was the reality sinking in that he can't have her just for him. Why can't he be selfish for the last time? Why can't he just have her?

To forget about how his heart is hanging on the edge, he threw himself at his work. Declining her efforts to spend time with him and make up an excuse about work. She always understands and that's one of the things why he loves her.

_Love_

He could not ever admit it to himself that he hopelessly fell for the woman who can't return her feelings for him. Admitting that he does love her more than he can even think of brings back the pain he tried to run from for months now. Although if he does, he'll only admit it to himself and to his other two companions who comfort him and tell him about the progress of her relationship but he will never admit it to her. He couldn't risk getting rejected especially by her.

If only he could march down into her flat in the muggle world and tell her what he truly feel for her, he will but he doesn't have that courage that she has. She, herself, had told him once he is a coward. What changed it? He is still a coward. Because of his cowardice, he lost her to a muggle.

Not long after his avoidance to the witch, he found her inside his office, one arm across her chest, the other one raised up to her mouth, as she nervously bit down on her fingernails, a little habit he found adorable when it comes to her.

Draco stood by his door and stared at her with shock, his mind going into panic mood. Why is she here? Did something happen? Did the git do something to hurt her?"

"Draco," she said his name almost breathlessly and that made him go crazy. When he closed his door, he was quickly engulfed with her hug. Against his will, he hugged her back and held her there for a moment before breaking off.

"Granger," He greeted back and went straight to his desk. "What do I owe your visit?"

The witch across of him frowned. "I'm still Granger for you, huh?"

"Like I said before, you will always be Granger for me."

"_I missed you._" She said, taking a sit on the seat just across of him.

"I do too." He replied with a small smile before digging his fingers on some files by his drawer. "So what is your intention, Granger? You never come here in my office if this is just another casual visit of yours."

_"Lucas asked me to marry him."_

His world froze when he heard her. He must be hearing her wrong. He must have imagined that and she is still there smiling innocently at him, never uttering a word at his direction, just watching him. He found himself breathing a bit harder than before, his heart bit beating a little louder than normal, and his chest tightening with pain. He closed his eyes and tried not to feel the hurt he is feeling. He tried to calm his nerves before looking up to meet her eyes.

"And are you planning to say yes?" he asked, scared of what she may say about it.

"Yes." She simply answered with a small nod, not a hint of a smile in her face like she is testing him. Oh how he would wish she would laugh out loud and say it was all a joke and that she got him this time. That she would say that it would always be him. That everything was a lie and that she loves him instead of Lucas.

"Why?" he dared to asked, his voice slightly breaking.

_"Because I love him"_

He took a sharp breath and looked away from her. The pain is too much, it is too real. He can't go on with this. If she would stay a bit longer than necessary then his facade would break down. He wouldn't be able to pretend that he is happy for her. The burning sensation in his eyes when he blinked just confirmed his theory that he wouldn't last at all. He'll be losing his control that he has over himself.

"I-I-I" he tried to say while fighting not to let him see how much a wreck he is at the moment.

"You what Draco?" she asked, somewhat hopeful of what he might utter next.

"I'm-" he took a deep breath and looked straight at her with an almost genuine smile, "-that I am happy for you."

Her sharp intake of break didn't go unnoticed by the blond, even the slight moisture in her eyes. He just chose to ignore it.

"Thank you." She breathlessly and almost brokenly replied before leaving Draco alone as she dashed out of his office right after. He quickly closed his door and almost missed a rather loud sob coming from the halls of his floor that came from the witch, who just vacated his office.

He closed his eyes, murmured a silencing charm and locking charms before he let himself lose control and break anything in line of his sight before he sat in the middle of his office, tears silently staining his pale cheeks.

"Hermione," he brokenly whispered as he rocked himself, tears still rolling down his cheeks, "my Hermione."

In the end he could not even say he loves her.


End file.
